Opinion

The Stupidity Index: ElRufai, Sophie Momodu, Saraki, Evans and More

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Nigerians are daily confronted with events that shake the foundations of common sense and pay homage to the altar of stupidity.

Here is the Stupid Index of 10 borderline retarded things that happened last week.

1. Governor elRufai wins best governor of the month. Well according to the folks at Ynaija, elRufai is the best governor in Nigeria. This is a man who is seen as anti-media, a man who ran his mouth so much before he was sworn in to government but after his ascension to power has been very quick to arrest public critics and sue media publications to court. Yet according to Ynaija Governor Effectiveness, he is the best governor in Nigeria. Ynaija is owned and operated by the promoters of Statecraft, the same PR firm that sold ailing President Muhammad Buhari to Nigerians. It is safe to say they are packaging elrufai ahead of a 2019 re-election bid or run for President. What is funny is that the guys at Ynaija are still apologizing for the role they played in bringing the incapacitated Buhari to power. Maybe they just need to stay out of politics.

Here is the real deal on elrufai according to the Niche:

A study conducted by Spaces for Change, a non-government organization (NGO), has revealed that Kaduna government leads the pack among states intolerant of media criticisms.

The finding was disclosed on May 29 in a press briefing in Lagos. Victoria Ohaeri, Executive Director of Spaces for Change, the outfit that conducted the research, said the aim was to determine whether spaces for civic engagement in Nigeria were expanding or shrinking.

Kaduna State came top with the highest incidence of repression where  state authorities trail, arrest, illegally detain or invite for questioning of perceived critics.

“The case of Gabriel Idibia of the Union Newspaper is a classic example. For 13 days he was held in prison custody for publishing a story about Kaduna State Governor, Nasir El-Rufai’s alleged ownership of assets running into billions of naira,” the report said.

The report also disclosed that the Kaduna State government slammed charges against John Dan-Fulani for lamenting on his Facebook page the perennial fuel scarcity in Nigeria, the huge foreign exchange differentials between the Naira and other currencies and the high number of out-of-school children in the north.

You can continue reading about elRufai’s excellence in media witch-hunting here: http://www.thenicheng.com/kaduna-tops-states-intolerant-of-media-criticism-study-reveals/

 

2. Bukola Saraki’s vindication at the Code of Conduct Tribunal: In Nigeria the only way to get away with crime is to be a big thief. A celebrated thief as it were. Although the CCT has cleared Bukola Saraki, Nigerians are not hoodwinked. We know he was guilty. We know one of Nigeria’s biggest banks was culpable, but we know that the rich do not go to prison in Nigeria, and we know that the powerful can evade justice as easily as a motorist who has a bribe for LASTMA can avoid a traffic fine. Well the only stupid thing about this is the fact that the Senate President knows nobody buys the charade and still chose to celebrate his vindication anyway. He may as well have mourned it, that would have been more honourable.

3. Davido’s baby mama drama: Sophie Momodu, one of the baby mothers to Afro pop act, Davido took to social media to warn financially challenged guys from entering into her DMs. In the midst of a biting recession, her only problem in life seems to be the fact that broke guys send her messages on instagram. Perhaps the recession has affected her monthly stipend from the OBO crooner himself. Well whatever the case, she has made it quite obvious that not only is she dissatisfied with her position as a baby mama, she is also unhappy with her current income and would like another omo baba olowo to come to her rescue so she can upgrade. The kind of morals will baby Imade will learn from this one remains to be seen.

4. Dino Melaye vs. Yahaya Bello: Kogi state brouhaha is one of the biggest political dramas on the Nigerian scene right now and you dont have to pay DSTV to get a fix. Just subscribe to small data plan and you will see everyone’s favourite rogue senator, a multi-award winning alleged serial wife beater go up against the worst performing governor in the history of governance. One has to pity the people of Kogi state not just because they are owed like 3 years salary but because motor mouth senator and agbero governor are going at it like two rival NURTW factions in Oshodi. Infact casualties have already begun to pile up over the shenanigans of these brutes in power. Only God knows when respite will come for Kogilites as their elites are not only seemingly mentally challenged but also bereft of any ideas when it comes to good governance.

5. Evans the kidnapper: This 36 year old loser from Nnewi made over $10 million kidnapping wealthy Igbo men over the last decade. He started out as a driver who would steal his employers valuables and flee to Ghana, and graduated to a criminal mastermind who commanded the all points bulletin boards of police commands from Lagos to Abuja. He obviously had a keen mind but applied it wrongly and so he deserves a mention in this edition of the stupid index.

6. Nnamdi Kanu: The IPOB and Biafra crusader is fighting a beautiful struggle, albeit the wrong way. His video insulting Yoruba clerics and the Igbos that attend their churches went viral last week. Nnamdi’s problem is not that he is fighting for Biafra but some of the thoughtless, idiotic and bombastic remarks that he makes always prove to be his undoing. He needs to think before he talks and maybe one day we will all see that glorious state of Biafra.

7. Arewa Youth: For issuing the Igbos quit notice and for having a youth leader who is past 60 years of age, the Arewa youth have to hold their L with pride. First of all, there are abokis everywhere in Nigeria constituting a nuisance. From Lagos to Calabar, is it the amputees that are victims of sharia laws and come to beg? Or the thousands of not millions of poor destitute that travel to other parts of Nigeria to cook indomie, shine shoes, hawk forex, transport water. Their hosts are usually very tolerant of them and you rarely hear of the kind of incidences that happen to southerners in the North, like beheadings, arson etc
After listening to the grievances of the Arewa Youth leader it seemed like their only reason for issuing the quit notice was what Nnamdi Kanu had said in the past and what IPOB supporters say on social media. An old saying comes to mind and the Arewa elders…sorry youth, would do well to memorize, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but reckless words don’t merit a genocidal quit notice.”

8. Uduakisbae: Ever since her last claim to fame when she was outed as a cocaine sniffer and lesbian, one would think Uduak would dump her handle, head to Brazil and see a plastic surgeon about a face change, but nah. She decided to drop a new single and by single I mean singular act of stupidity. Here is what she did this time. The certified gold digging Twitter bandit said, “If I am in a relationship, I expect the man to pay the rent, groceries, and chop money.” One would begin to wonder if the recession is also affecting her father. There is not much dragging Uduak can receive on The Stupid Index as she has already been dragged by well meaning Nigerians at home and in the diaspora. One can only hope she has the required brain surgery in time before she begins to reproduce successfully. A woman should be worth more than upkeep.

9. Amber Rose and Free The Bush: Self proclaimed slut and self described Feminist, Amber Rose is someone who should also receive a mental evaluation. She posted a nude photo this week and said it was feminism. This generation of former rapper wives and baby mamas whose only formal education is dancing on a pole for singles at the genteman’s club needs to be jettisoned by more qualified leaders. That Amber Rose is now seen as a face of the feminist movement is dangerous to the traditional values of the movement. Women need to realize that their worth should not be determined by how much photoshopped nudity they can cause to go viral on social media but their worth should be determined by the content of their character, and quality of mind.

10. The Budget and The Cabal: Presidential spokesman, Garba Shehu notifying the public that ailing and invisible President Buhari had assented to the Acting President’s signature on the 2017 budget is a travesty. Garba Shehu should keep his mouth closed as Nigerians are not deceived. Even the wife of the President can testify to his absence from the other room for the past year or so. This charade the Presidential spokesmen duo of Adesina and Shehu keep playing to the public is not only stupid but well past its expiration date. Nigerians know Buhari has ont ruled Nigeria since he was elected. They should instead tell us that their paymasters, the Cabal have permitted Osibanjo’s Hancock on the document.

Famutimi Femi is a writer for theheraldng. He is also a lawyer by trade. His hobbies include reading and writing, he also loves Renaissance art.

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