Nigerian men. Love them or tolerate them, they come with their own unique brand of stress. Of course, they can be sweet, charming, and protective, but let’s not pretend they don’t drive us up the wall with some of their habits.
Whether it’s their mysterious concept of time, their ability to argue about anything, or their selective hearing when it comes to things that matter, they never fail to keep us on our toes.
So, in the spirit of good humor (and brutal honesty), here are 10 things we absolutely detest about Nigerian men.
1. Their Unshakable Love for Football
Try holding a conversation with a Nigerian man while his favorite football team is playing. You will receive zero attention. He will scream, jump, and possibly insult his TV. Meanwhile, you’re sitting there wondering why he can’t show you the same level of passion. His mood for the day? Entirely dependent on whether Arsenal wins or loses.
2. Their Deep, Unwavering Relationship With Their Mothers
If you’re dating a Nigerian man, just accept that his mother is the true love of his life. She calls, he answers—no matter the time, no matter the situation. You? You called him twice, and suddenly you’re “too clingy.”
3. The “I’m Always Right” Flex
Nigerian men, bless your hearts, but the “I know everything” vibe can be a bit much. Whether it’s directions (even with Google Maps glaring at us), fixing something (while the tool is upside down), or arguing about football (like you personally coached Victor Osimhen), we adore your confidence—but sometimes, a simple “I don’t know” would save us all a headache. It’s okay, we won’t tell the ancestors!
4. Their Fear of Commitment
A Nigerian man will date you for five whole years and still say, “Let’s see where this is going.” Sir, where exactly do you think we are going? The Olympics? At this point, even your mother calls me “our wife.”
5. The “I Don’t Like Drama” Lie
They will tell you, “I’m not a fan of drama,” but somehow, they always find themselves in messy situations. Why? Because they are still entertaining exes, texting “good morning dear” to three different women, and mysteriously vanishing for days without explanation. But of course, they hate drama.
6. Chasing Women… Even When They’re Married
For some Nigerian men, marriage is just a ring, not a commitment. You’ll see a whole husband with three kids still out here saying, “You know, my wife and I are not really together like that.” Sir, please respect yourself.
7. Their Selective Amnesia
They will forget your birthday, your favorite color, and even your last conversation. But promise them you’ll “come over” and suddenly their memory is sharper than Google. They’ll remind you at every opportunity—“Babe, when are you coming over? What time?”
8. The “I’ll Call You Back” Ghosting
Here’s the tea: Nigerian men, why do you say “I’ll call you back” and then vanish like you’ve been abducted by spirits? We’re not saying you’re avoiding us, but… are you avoiding us? Whether it’s a quick chat or a deep convo, don’t leave us hanging like wet laundry on a rainy day. Pick up, king—we miss your voice (and your excuses).
9. “You’ll Be Fine” as a Response to Everything
You: “Babe, I’m really stressed, I had a long day, and I just feel overwhelmed.”
Him: “You’ll be fine.”
That’s it. That’s the entire response. No solutions. No comfort. Just “You’ll be fine.” And if you complain? “Why are you always overthinking things?”
10. Their Questionable Fashion Choices
Some Nigerian men dress like they got dressed in the dark. Senator and slides? No problem. Agbada with sneakers? Absolutely. And let’s not even talk about the ones that have one “fine shirt” that they wear to every event like it’s a uniform. If you say anything, they’ll hit you with “It’s my signature look.”
For all their premium stress, Nigerian men can still be funny, protective, and—on rare occasions—romantic. Will we stop complaining about them? Never. Will we still love them? Maybe.
But one thing is for sure—we are never believing I’ll call you back” again.