Everyone wants to be loved but not everyone can love us all at the same time. It may swing from both sides.
An employee always desire to be in the good books of his/her boss for several reasons which are peculiar to each individual but if your boss has a bias against you (whether it’s conscious or not), it can color all her interactions with you—whether it’s not giving you the same amount of coaching and development that she puts in with more favored team members, giving you less interesting or lower-profile assignments, or not recognizing what you’re doing well.
It can even affect how you’re compensated and whether you ultimately keep your job. But it can be tricky to figure out whether your boss has legitimate beef with your work—or just a beef with you.
So if they don’t like you, you’ll want to know so you can try to turn things around. However, that’s not always so easy.
“If your boss doesn’t like you, they’ll likely keep it to themselves, as they understand the need to keep the relationship professional and to not play favorites in the office,” says Michael Kerr, an international business speaker and author of “The Humor Advantage.” “So the signs may be quite subtle — but they are usually easy to spot if you’re looking for them.”
When they don’t include you in big decisions related to your sphere of influence, it may be because your boss doesn’t trust your opinion.
“When you’re asked for input, it sends the message that you are valued, so not asking for input can, of course, send the opposite message: ‘I really don’t care what you think!'” says Kerr.
It’s difficult for a boss who is angry to look you straight in the eye, says Taylor. “They’re afraid that you may be able to detect hostility, so the path of least resistance is for them to look away or avoid being around you wherever possible.”
Bosses micromanage for a number of reasons: a need for assuming constant control, or insecurity at some level, for example. “But it can also mean they don’t trust you,” Taylor suggests. “In some cases this can even lead to mild bullying behavior, where the boss is so consumed with monitoring your every step that it begins to feel like a form of intimidation.”
If you notice that your boss only takes the stairs when you’re waiting for the elevator, or they manage their schedule in such a way that they rarely overlap with your primary work hours, that’s a good sign they’re avoiding you.
If your boss doesn’t say “Good morning” when you arrive, or, “Have a great night” on their way out, they may be telling you they don’t like you, says Taylor.
If you ask, “How’s it going?” and they always respond with “Ok” or “Fine” — or if their emails to always get straight to the point, and never begin with a friendly “Hello” or “Good afternoon,” this may be a sign they’re not a huge fan of you.
“If your boss sounds like a moody teenager, then that’s a pretty big red flag,” says Kerr.
Whether it’s a subtle eye roll, constantly assuming a closed-off position with arms folded across their chest, or they don’t look up from their computer screen when you enter their office, your boss’ body language will often reveal their true feelings towards you, Kerr says.
If your boss doesn’t like you, they’ll probably try to limit their in-person communication with you. If you notice a shift toward more digital correspondence, that’s a sign.
If your boss shuts down every idea you pitch or disagrees with everything you say (but doesn’t seem to do this with others), that’s a pretty good sign they secretly hate you.
If you notice that your boss speaks with everyone else about their kids or hobbies, but never brings up these topics with you, they’re probably just not interested in hearing about your life, says Kerr.
If your boss only gives you menial tasks well below your level of experience or competence — such as “busy work,” it’s a sign they don’t trust or respect your abilities (or worse, that they are actively encouraging you to look for work elsewhere), says Taylor.
Openly criticizing your efforts or ideas in a meeting is a huge sign of disrespect. If your boss goes out of their way to embarrass you, chances are they don’t like you.
Friendly teasing with employees is often done to show that you are part of the team, that you’re “one of us” — so when a boss never feels comfortable including you in friendly ribbing, it may be a sign they don’t care for you.
