February 14th is coming… and you are still single.
Yes, my dear, brace yourself because that day go hot! Lovebirds will be everywhere, suffocating us with public displays of affection, long WhatsApp statuses, and unnecessary Instagram captions like “My peace, my home, my oxygen.” Meanwhile, you? You’re just here, minding your single business, trying not to choke on the love fumes.
But fear not! Being single on Valentine’s Day does not mean suffering. In fact, with this guide, you will not just survive—you will enjoy the day like the boss that you are.
1. Hide Your Face
Let me be honest: if you really want to enjoy this day in peace, go into hiding. Shut down your social media, deactivate your WhatsApp, and if possible, put your phone on airplane mode.
Because that day, the pressure will be too much! Before you even blink, one uncle that never posts anything will suddenly upload a full engagement video with “She said yes” written in the sky. Then your bank app will still remind you that you are broke. Do yourself a favor and disappear.
2. Avoid Restaurants at All Costs
If you know what’s good for you, stay away from restaurants. This is not the day to casually walk into a nice eatery thinking you’ll just eat and go. No, my dear. You will sit down, order your food, and then suddenly, one couple will start doing “Baby, say ahhh” beside you.
Even the waiter will start looking at you like, “So sad, single and eating alone?”
If you must eat out, find a local buka. No romance, just hunger and survival.
3. Buy Yourself a Gift (Since Nobody Will)
All those “Aww, my baby got me this” posts you’ll see? Lies. Some of them bought the gift themselves and still acted surprised for the video.
So, why not join them? Buy yourself something nice and post it with “Wow, I wasn’t expecting this!” If anybody asks who got it for you, just smile mysteriously and say, “Someone special.”
4. Watch a Horror Movie
Under NO circumstances should you watch a romantic movie today. You don’t need that kind of emotional damage.
Instead, put on a horror movie, an action film, or one of those Nollywood heartbreak classics where somebody’s husband runs away with their best friend. By the time you finish watching, you’ll be grateful that nobody is stressing your life.
5. Sleep. Just Sleep.
No relationship stress, no money spent, no emotional wahala. Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to log out of life and enjoy premium sleep.
By the time you wake up, the noise would have reduced, and you can return to the streets like nothing happened.
Better Don’t Kill Yourself
At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is just another Wednesday, Thursday, or whatever day it falls on. It will pass, and life will continue. Some people in relationships today will be single by next week (it is well), so don’t let this one day stress you.
Enjoy yourself, drink your water, and if anybody pressures you, just say, “I’m in a long-distance relationship. My partner lives in the future.”
Happy February 14th, my fellow single warriors! Stay strong.