Ladies, If He Hasn’t Asked You to Be His Val by Now, Run!

Ladies, it’s that time of the year again—Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and love is in the air. Or at least it shouldbe. But here you are, scrolling through Instagram, watching couples post their “soft launches,” and yet… your man hasn’t popped the all-important question: “Will you be my Val?”

Excuse me, what? Dump him. Immediately.

Red Flag Alert! 🚩🚩🚩

If he hasn’t asked you by now, let’s face it—he’s either planning to surprise you (highly unlikely), or he’s conveniently “forgetting” to avoid spending money (most likely). Either way, sis, it’s giving single in disguise energy.

Let’s not sugarcoat things. If by the first week of February he hasn’t dropped hints like “Babe, what’s your favorite chocolate?” or “Do you like red or white roses?” then it’s safe to assume that he’s about to pretend Valentine’s Day is a normal Wednesday. Don’t let it happen to you.

Excuses, Excuses!

Men have mastered the art of avoiding Valentine’s Day with the most ridiculous excuses. Here are some classics you might have heard before:

1. “Valentine’s Day is just a capitalist scam.”
   Oh really? But he had no problem spending ₦10,000 on suya last week.
2. “Every day is Valentine’s Day with you.”
   Then where is my gift every day? Exactly.
3. “I thought we weren’t doing gifts this year.”
   Who agreed to that? Certainly not you.
4. “I’m planning something, just wait.”
   Girl, by “planning,” he means ordering Jollof rice and calling it a day.

If any of these sound familiar, grab your phone and start crafting that breakup text. “It’s not me, it’s you.”

Signs He’s Serious About You

Let’s be honest, a man who truly cares will be shamelessly romantic. He’ll:

• Ask you to be his Val by January 2nd. (Early birds secure the love.)
• Drop hints about fancy dinners.
• Accidentally leave a shopping tab open with jewelry or perfume.
• Start acting suspiciously nice (translation: he’s hiding a surprise).

If none of these are happening, sis, pack your love and go.

What To Do Instead?

If your boyfriend has failed the Valentine’s test, it’s time to take matters into your own hands:

• Take yourself out. Who needs a man when you have food and your favorite series?
• Do a girls’ night. Plot your collective revenge while wearing matching pajamas.
• Send yourself a gift. Let him sweat when he sees “Secret Admirer” on the card.
• Change your DP to “Single and Thriving.” Watch him panic.

Ladies, if your boyfriend is out here acting like February 14th is just another day, it’s time to reconsider your life choices. Love should be celebrated, even if it’s with a N1,000 shawarma and an “I love you” text. If he can’t do the bare minimum, then why are we here?

In conclusion: if he hasn’t asked you to be his Val… dump him! Or at least threaten to, and enjoy the begging that follows.

PS: This article is just for laughs. Don’t actually dump him… unless he really deserves it.