If Nigerian men had a national sport, it would be Situationship Olympics. Forget football, forget afrobeats—what these guys truly excel at is keeping you in an undefined, emotionally confusing, and commitment-resistant entanglement for as long as possible.
Oh, you thought you were in a relationship? Cute. Meanwhile, he’s introducing you as “one of my close friends” at his cousin’s wedding.
The “What Are We?” Starter Pack
Ladies, if you’ve ever found yourself asking a Nigerian man “What are we?” just know that you’ve already lost.
You might think it’s a simple question, but to him, it’s a full-blown existential crisis. Suddenly, he doesn’t know English.
- “What do you mean? You’re special to me.”
- “Why are we putting a label on something so beautiful?”
- “Let’s not rush things. Love is a journey.”
Brother, which journey? Is this a relationship or an NYSC three-week orientation camp?
The Situationship Timeline
Phase 1: The Soft Life Recruitment
At first, everything feels like a fairy tale. He calls you every day, takes you out, and floods your WhatsApp with “Have you eaten?” messages. You, thinking you’ve finally found love, start glowing differently. Meanwhile, he is simply recruiting you into a premium situationship.
Phase 2: The Undefined Relationship Era
This is where things get interesting. Months have passed, and you’re still in “vibes and inshallah” mode. You do all the things couples do—date nights, deep conversations, soft matching outfits—but the word “girlfriend” has never been mentioned.
The moment you try to define the relationship, he starts malfunctioning like a PHCN transformer in rainy season.
- “Why are we complicating things?”
- “I like what we have, let’s just enjoy the moment.”
- “You know I really care about you…”
Oh, so you care? Then why is your mother still praying for your singlehood to end?
Phase 3: The Gaslighting Championship
By now, you’re frustrated. Maybe you’ve even gathered the courage to say, “If you don’t want to be with me, just say it.”
But instead of a straight answer, he flips the script.
- “Wow, so you think I don’t love you?”
- “You’re overthinking things.”
- “See ehn, I’m just trying to figure out my life right now.”
Ah, figure out your life? But somehow, you’ve figured out how to text three other girls “Good morning, my sunshine?”
When You Finally Give Up…
The best part? The day you finally move on is the day he remembers you exist. Suddenly, your phone is buzzing with calls.
- “You know I really miss you.”
- “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
- “So you didn’t even fight for us?”
Oh, so I should have entered a wrestling ring for a relationship that didn’t exist?
Run, Sis, Run!
Nigerian men love situationships because they get all the benefits of a relationship without the responsibilities. It’s the perfect scam—no labels, no commitment, but maximum enjoyment.
But you deserve better. So if you ever find yourself in the “What are we?” situation, don’t waste your time waiting for a man to figure out his life. Just take your fine self and leave.
Trust me, the right man will call you his queen without you needing to submit a request letter first.