The Curse of Dowry

The Curse of Dowry, by Ese Crossett

The dowry or bride price was practiced in ancient times in Europe and other parts, and still heavily practiced in present day India and countries in Asia and Africa.

The dictionary defines dowry as; “money or property that a wife or wife’s family gives to her husband when the wife and husband marry in some cultures.”

In India, depending on the groom’s family’s demands, it is not always an easy agreement to reach. In Nigeria, the reverse is practiced, the groom or his family are the ones that give money or property. In Ghana, there is an added twist, the brothers of the bride also receive money or property. So by merely being male, these brothers are entitled to another man’s money. Regardless of their sister’s intelligence or success, by being a woman she is degraded.

Whatever way dowry is practiced, there is one common denominator; the treatment of women as property. And just like slavery; dehumanization is ugly and wrong. In India, brides are being sold, while in Nigeria and parts of Africa, they are being bought. Sometimes, traditions are passed down for so long that people do not think about the symbolism or logic (if any) behind these rituals, if they bring joy or pain, and if they apply to the enlightened world.

While the dowry may be sentimental for some and not strictly practiced, its message is dangerous to the realization of gender equality and true women empowerment. It also sends a problematic message of materialism and sexism to children and young people. Too much importance on material things instead of the intellectual or spiritual, leaves a society empty and shallow.

Women are not for sale; not pretend sale or real sale. None.

In 2016, engagements have been broken, and women have been killed by their spouses and in laws, simply because they failed to meet the dowry demands. Check out these articles on The Indian Express and The Times of India. In Nigeria, weddings have been cancelled due to ridiculous demands given to the groom by the bride and her family. Never mind that the groom may be a gem; faithful and brilliant with exemplary father potential. On the flip side; an infidel or abuser could swoop up any woman, as long as they pay an impressive dowry.

‘Payment’ for marriage degrades the union, and gives the man a license to do what he wants regardless of his wife’s wants or feelings. This includes cheating and sexual assault. After all if you buy a toy from a store, you can break it, burn it or play with it – it’s yours. Marriage seems like a ‘sentence’ for the woman. Marriage for love continues to be a ‘castle in the sky’, and the cycle of ignorance continues.

Unfortunately, many educated and intelligent women and their families symbolically equate their worth as human beings to Louis Vuitton suitcases, expensive lace and jewelry. A person’s worth in marriage is not determined by money, but by fidelity, love and true partnership.

In a deeply patriarchal and traditional society, it is difficult to break the chains. It takes courage to stand up against the norm, but it only takes one, and others suffering in silence will follow. In India, women are actively rising up against the dowry. As free human beings, not slaves, we all have choices; including women.

Nations where women are empowered, do better economically or otherwise, and that’s a fact.