Buhari and the Dog Insult Imbroglio


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Woof! Woof! Oh pardon me! I am a dog, where are my manners? I often forget that human beings cannot understand the advanced language of us canines. I will write in English so all masters fit understand. I do not comprehend why some of my colleagues’ Hausa Fulani masters were aggrieved over the nomenclature my colleague’s Igbo master decided to bestow upon his furry legged friend. After all, some say ALL men are dogs, and even some men are named after dogs, like Akpos, George Bush, Barack Obama, Tony Blair, Olusegun Obasanjo and others.

Perhaps my feeble canine mind cannot figure it out but Buhari is a name that instills fear in the hearts of many Nigerians and perhaps that is why the trader chose to name his dog as Buhari, so that it will be feared. Everyone knows armed robbers are disrespectful, some will even beat you up whilst stealing your belongings or worse, but any armed robber that does his research will not visit a home when he hears Buhari resides therein.

Look at how quickly foreign investors have run away from Nigeria, ever since President Buhari came into power. Or how so many Nigerians are now complaining about hunger and suffering. These Nigerians masters must have been stealing before, because Buhari is only the enemy of the corrupt.

In fact many more Nigerians mastere should name their dogs Buhari, so as to scare away anything resembling corruption. Nigeria would be a ghost town soon seeing as even we dogs know many of our masters are corrupt. The ones that give us meat often from proceeds of corruption.

My own master used to visit Jabi Lake and bring me back N1,000 suya every weekend. Ever since Buhari came into power, now my master brings me three stale buns once a month, and akara. I used to eat Pedigree dog food on a daily basis, but ever since the change, now I drink garri and groundnut once every two days.

In fact, come to think of it, I am sure my colleague should have protested being called a “Buhari”. That was an English terrier, an educated dog who finished from Oxford University equivalent in the canine world. Has anybody seen Buhari’s certificate? Surely the excuse that a dog ate it is not tenable in court.

I will like to use this medium to appeal to our masters from the North in Ogun state and wherever they may find themselves to take a chill pill in this matter.

And please if you see my master give him some kilishi to bring home for me so I can have something to couple with this garri. Things have been difficult since Buhari came to be president. Woof! Woof!

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