GEJ Fails to Understand Why Buhari Blames his Administration…


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Then said Jonathan to Reuben, “Behold, this new administration, and their penchant to lay their blames on my golden rulership. But let me watch as they progress; shall I hide myself till they find the tomorrow they desire? Or do they need me for a way out? Reuben, didn’t you tell the world about my performances?”

Reuben earnestly asked of leave to run to the Twitter bird; for speaking only through the bird’s mouth can he speak well.

“If you say so,” Jonathan spake, “good! It will be well with you my servant. If the people are angry, tell them to focus on their Baba. Tell them that evil is determined by him. Now, go out into the field and educate them.”

So Reuben went into the field; and when the moon came, Reuben sat down to remove Twitter’s beak. He sat upon his seat, as at other times, he began to praise his most high past president: “the man who gave artistes a voice; the man who brought PhDs on board; the man who made everyone rich and the man who peacefully handed power over.” Yet Reuben was not satisfied because there were no responses. He thought for a while again and wore the beak again: “Something has befallen us, it’s not clean, surely not clean and it will be our death.” There was no response; Reuben studied the bird until sleep visited his eyes.

But on the second day, the morrow after the new moon, Reuben’s face was filled with phlegm, all colours. “Why,” he began, “has not the children of Nigeria protected his face? Why have they spat on his sayings?”

Reuben quickly returned to Jonathan. For Jonathan is a man that likes to hear bad news on the spot.

So now, Jonathan has found favour in the eyes of those who feared doom after he lost eleven private jets and the bottomless coffers to a herdsman. He studied Reuben as he walked in. “Speak now, the good tidings from your report, faithful servant.”

Reuben cleaned the last spectre of spittoon hanging loosely on his right eyelash. “King, there are perverse, rebellious children out there. Do you not know that you’ve chosen to rule this country to your own shame? Do you not know nothing good come from these children’s mouth? They think you, you and your wife, her excellency squatted and shat on them.”

Jonathan threw his silver cup filled with altar wine outside the window. “For as long as I live, I will remain a G.O. A. T. in Nigeria. Neither you nor your colleagues shall change what is destined.

“A goat? Your excellency sir, the people do not see you as an animal.”

“You stupid servant. Have you no understanding of the present tides and words? Be gone. Find out from the children what I mean.”

Then Reuben answered the excellency, “I understand. Even Baba was named after a dog. What has he done for them to honour him like that?”

But Jonathan cast his right hand on Reuben and smite him. He was determined to drum his knowledge into Reuben. “Be gone! And bring me good news about our past.”


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