Monogamy is a serious issue; the very bedrock on which many marriages and relationships are built, and the idea that it is unachievable is inconceivable to those who believe in the concept of one man, one wife, till death do us part. With our society of today placing a huge emphasis on fidelity, little wonder the barometer for a successful relationship is the absence of infidelity.
The philandering ways of high profile celebrities and politicians worldwide are almost imploring us to accept that monogamy only exists on the pages of books. However, we cannot get caught up in assuming celebrity relationships are like our own because they are not. But do their inability to be faithful to their partners illustrate the realities of modern life?
Airing his view on monogamy in a recent interview with TMZ at LAX, (Los Angeles International Airport) in response to a question on the pressure of being in a monogamous relationship, renowned singer Akon stated:
“The average guy in the world has a main girl as well as a side chick. And then he has to jump off. At the end of the day as a male, you are a natural breeder by nature. You can’t even escape it if you want to.”
And women need to take more time to understand how men are built.
In Akon’s views, though men should be allowed multiple sexual partners, women are not accorded the same liberty.
“Women aren’t built to mate with more than one party … men are.”
Whether Akon is right or wrong ethically, science seems to be on his side. According to Christopher Ryan, a doctor of Psychology and co-author of the book “Sex at Dawn”, monogamy is not normal; men and women are naturally promiscuous.
“We need to move beyond ‘men are from Mars and women are from Venus,” he said. “The truth is that men are from Africa and women are from Africa.”
Ryan said humans are more genetically related to chimps and bonobos than they are to other primates and as a result, our sexual natures are also similar. He further explained that bonobos are famous for their sexual promiscuity and like humans; they are among the animals that have sex face-to-face. Also, the males have external testicles, which is an indication that the males are promiscuous.
The females are well equipped to also have sex at anytime because they are capable of engaging in sex for 90% of their menstrual cycle.
Unlike humans, chimps and bonobos do not restrict their bonding to just one partner for life and as such Ryan believes monogamy is not hardwired in either men or women.
Though there is more to a lifelong partnership than sex, a lot of importance is placed on sex, hence. The many books on how to give your partner a ground-scattering orgasm, how to keep your partner from straying e.t.c.
It is no longer news that many couples, today, live like siblings. Though the love is still there, the spark is gone and sex is a thing of the past. Majority are looking outside their matrimony for sexual gratification.
Whilst some western societies frown at infidelity, others are embracing it. In France, though they usually start with the best of intentions, however if one spouse has an affair, it is accepted as a logical occurrence over the course of a long marriage.
In Africa, infidelity is woven into the fabric of the institution of marriage with most married women turning a blind eye to their husband’s sexual activities. It is almost impossible to hear that a woman is divorcing her husband due to infidelity and the men seem to feel it is their God- given right to have multiple sexual partners.
For much of human civilisation history, polygyny was the main form of mating, with most men having more than one wife and several mistresses. Though we are now encouraged to be monogamous, the rate at which people cheat one another, famous or not, might be an indication that monogamy is unattainable, at least to the majority.
Monogamy certainly has its benefits. Not only does it serve as a preventive measure against sexually transmitted diseases, it creates security and promotes healthy home environment, especially for children.
While many would disagree with Akon, unfortunately, most people are not hard-wired to be with just one partner for the long run and if you demand absolute and reserved rights to your partner, you should consider relocating to an environment that frowns on infidelity, as environment plays an important role in your partner’s ability to be monogamous.
By Victory Oyeleke
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