‘Stupid Nigerian’ writes open letter to Wole Soyinka

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Dear Wole Soyinka,

Yes, I deliberately left out your well-worn title of ‘Prof’ in addressing you, for I find it totally impossible to equate someone who carries the title like a badge of honour (which it truly is, even though I have met a few with that title who barely qualify for one by their utterances and actions).

And no, I proffer no apologies whatsoever for addressing you, sans title.

You see, Wole Soyinka, I might have trashed this latest ranting of yours along with the previous ones had you not dare to foolishly and stupidly referred to us Nigerians who dared stand up to you and asked that you live up to the bet you senselessly made, as ‘stupid’.

You see, because I am a Nigerian andvi certainly questioned the wisdom of a geriatric to first of all, make an unforced error by publicly betting on the electoral outcome of a land so far away and totally disconnected from the “people on behalf of whom one has struggled all one’s life”, and two, rather than live up to such ill-advised bet, you went on a wild goose chase of questioning the sanity of people who, out of their desire to see you retain a modicum.of what’s left of your dignity, I feel personally insulted by your “stupid Nigerians” comment.

And I certainly do not respond quite well to personal insults.

As a matter of fact, like the geisher, I give a whole lot more than I have been attacked with.
So pardon me (no, scratch that, I seek no pardon) for seeing your latest vituperation in the exact light it ought to be seen: the muddled production of a mind so befuddled by the viscititude of advancing senility.

For one thing, Soyinka, I think you overstate the importance of your Nobel prize. Extremely too highly. Otherwise, I do not think there’s anything of note that you have done in your lifetime that would warrant you to collectively but arrogantly refer to a whole nation as “stupid”.

Yes, you’re the only Nigerian to have ever been conferred with (not won, mind you) Nobel prize. But may I remind you, Wole, there have been 29 other people conferred with that award since you last received (not won, I repeat) yours, four of them fellow Africans: one from Egypt and Mauritius each, and two from South Africa.

Now, you know what’s so remarkable about these other four (and in fact all the 113 people worldwide who have received the Nobel in Literature since Albert Nobel died and institituted it)? None of them has allowed the award to go to their heads.

But of course these people are not Nigerians, so they do not worship an almost worthless title.

I mean, you got the Nobel in Literature, not in Medicine, Engineering or Nuclear Physics, for Pete’s sake! What does it really take to be awarded these prizes? Write a few novels and blow some inconsequential grammar? Let.me remind you, Wole, Bob Dylan, a regular folk who just happen to be a pop singer, got the most recent version of your award! Bob Dylan has never written a single novel nor is he known for blowing big grammar and manufacturing his own words!

If that’s not enough to tell you the award has very little or no significance, listen to this: Bob Dylan has not deemed it fit to acknowledge or accept the over-rated thing, an act that perfectly reflects the worthlessness of the same thing for which you have developed a big head and talk down on your fellow countrymen.

Get real, Wole Soyinka; you went and brought an ant infested wood into your house, it is only natural that you would have lizards struggling for the same space with you.

You say do not interfere in the life of Nigerians, and you wonder how dare they interfere with yours? Wole, I know with advancing senility comes forgetfulness so I’d forgive for forgetting that your life has been one of interfering with that of Nigerians – right from the Gowon days till the last administration of Jonathan.

And no, Nigerians did not get the green card for you. Neither did the Ghanaians from whose territory you chose to make it public that you would tear your green card if Donald Trump wins. Now, what business has anyone with you tearing or throwing away your geeen card? Why did you choose to make such childish tantrum public?

For a supposedly well-lettered fellow like yourself, I’m dumbfounded that you would call the internet “anonymous”. Perhaps I need to educate you a little here: there’s nothing anonymous about the internet or the social media. As a matter of fact, the internet derobes you of your anonymity once you sign on into it.

Type in my name now, and you’ll most likely find the story of my entire life on there.

So, Wole, nobody hides behind the anonymity of the internet to write anything. And yes, just like you have questioned the right of leaders past to do what they do, questioning your right (not your right to freedom of expression) comes with the territory.

So you’re embarrassed to occupy the same space with “imbeciles” and “morons”? That’s no problem. At 82, you won’t have much to tolerate them. Nature will soon take you away from this land of imbeciles and morons, to a land filled with dead and tired imbecilic geriatics like yourself.

Thank you for reading this rather long response to your unprovoked tantrums. I hold forth no apologies for its length; that is the writing style that got you your notoriety the first place!

Yours sincerely,
One of the Stupid Nigerians You Referenced.

~ Ade King Ebimomi

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