It’s a fact of life that sex doesn’t stay the same. Many people assume that it has to get worse with age, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Sexual satisfaction is a function of emotional connection, so if you’re looking to amp up your sex life, there is a good chance the answer will be found out of the bedroom. If you want to experience mind-blowing sex and an intimate connection with your spouse, here are five things you can do.
1. Empathize with your partner
If you see your partner as a vulnerable person who is responding to emotional needs, he or she will be warm to your eyes no matter what words or tone of voices he or she uses. If you can see that your partner only wants to connect with you, then you create an even foundation for an emotional connection.
2. Express your feelings and needs, then request what you need
If you don’t take the time to examine the feelings behind your reactions, you can’t possibly know what your needs are. And if you don’t know what your needs are, you will never get what you want. So connect with your emotions and identify the needs that created them.
3. Practice Forgiveness
Becoming acquainted with your feelings and needs will give you the opportunity to see how your partner has hurt you and how you have hurt your partner. Because our primary need in a relationship is to be connected, the biggest wounds we harbor are those that make us feel abandoned, cut-off, and unimportant to our partners.
4. Practice non-sexual touching
Physical connection (touching) is another primary need in relationships. Touching is another way to show that we are cared for, and it opens the door for emotional connection. Think of the last hug where you felt truly connected with another person. You can’t beat that feeling because the unspoken message is this: “I’m here for you and I care.”
5. Take a break from sex
Therapists recommend a two- to three-week sexual fast for couples who want to increase intimacy and connection. If sexual pressure is a cause of decreased connection, then making a mutual agreement to abstain from sex will release the pressure a bit.