1. The co-parenting relationship between the mother and father of the child involved: Without a solid, mature partnership between mom and dad, you will not have a stable child who is prepared to welcome another mother- or father-figure into their lives. If the biological parents still have feelings for each other that cause them to handle situations involving the children immaturely, you have a serious problem on your hands. The child is only focused on the fact that “mommy and daddy” are dysfunctional. You then become someone who looks like a distraction. Some kids may form the opinion that you are the reason for the chaos, and in the case involving two immature adults that haven’t moved on, you probably are the culprit of someone’s jealous feelings and actions.
The problem is worsened if the biological parents do not evenly share their responsibilities as a parent and the person you’re dating is the “slacker” when it comes to parenting. If you have any sort of conscious, you will become bothered by the fact that your significant other spends more time coddling your relationship as opposed to building a strong relationship with the child/children. This breeds feelings of guilt, insecurities and frustrations. No one wants to feel like they are in the way of a relationship between a parent and a child. And I’d hope that most adults surely don’t want a child feeling that way. If the biological parents don’t instill in their children the understanding of new relationships and why “mommy and daddy” have to move on and love other people in life, you have a serious problem on your hands. When a clear understanding has not been made about your relationship with the parent, who has your back? Who is helping the child understand the importance of your role in their parent’s life? You can’t establish your place on your own. You need the support of the biological parents in teaching the child/children about exactly why you exist and deserve respect.
2. The time, money, and energy spent in building your own relationship with the child involved: When dating someone with a child, you have already taken a spot in the line of importance that is nowhere near the front. This is especially the case when your mate has multiple children. You go into the relationship having to open yourself up to not being first priority and also to being selfless with a child you did not help birth and don’t even know, for that matter. This takes energy, time, and money. And a lot of this time, money, and energy are spent at the forefront of the relationship. You have little time to work on just you and your mate because you go into the relationship giving and sharing your time with several other people in the very beginning.
3. What happens when you and your mate decide to have children of your own? You will have to remember that the child you and your mate create together will be your first together, but not your first together. If this is your first child in life and your significant other’s 2nd, 3rd, 4th and so on, I strongly believe the levels of excitement are unparalleled. While it will be your first time to experience all things involved in having a baby and raising it, your significant other may see it as routine with less excitement involved as with the first child he or she had in life.
In saying all of that, I still believe that a relationship involving children from previous relationships can work; however, it is very delicate. It is also very time consuming and can be emotional when the right things are considered and the children come first. I’m interested in hearing all of your thoughts.
via@idatedaily
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