Nigeria has a lot of jets. Bombardier, Boeing Business, Falcon, Gulfstream and many more. You name it, we got it, we bought it, we paid it in hard currency too. You know that tithe, and oyel money. Governors, pastors, ministers, lawmakers all living like business tycoons, pop stars and Hollywood execs on the public till.
Investigations by the House of Reps have uncovered a fresh jet as the minister reportedly likes her jets fresh with her refreshing apple juice as she hovers 30,000 feet above sea level from Lagos to Venice and vice versa. Must be nice, its no wonder the whole of Nigeria is hating again, can’t the queen of black gold live? Cannot the empress of OPEC be allowed to enjoy her trappings of power and prestige? Jeez! Social critics need to take a chill pill, maybe if they got in some of the private jet therapy, they will see that poverty is far from the clouds but only of the cracks of the Earth.
I mean, who is really investigating Honourable Minister Diezani Madueke, those guys are jokers? The National Assembly my foot. Or in this case, my Rolls Royce business jet turbo fan.
The leader of the Senate has a helipad on his roof, and whilst we all know you cannot quite land the present generation of private jet technology on a helipad, you can rest assured that David Mark has a research team in a Benue institution of higher learning working on the correction of this travesty.
Madueke’s return trips on the chartered Global Express XRS in 2011 cost taxpayers € 1.2 million are the very reason Nigeria’s oil industry continues to receive a stream of divestments and the Petroleum Industry Bill remains unpassed. The $6 billion a year crude oil theft industry is another hallmark of her career as jet setting minister.
However I imagine the Petroleum Minister has an iron cast defence prepared for the investigators. The Prince of Persia. That foul enemy of Daniel’s prayers could be the only force blocking the deliverance of the PIB, the oil sector and the socioeconomic heartbeat of a poor and oppressed people.
In the third year of the reign of Jonathan of Creekville, a thing was revealed unto Diezani, whose name was called Oyel minister.
In those days, Diezani had been mourning three full years due to the failure of the National Assembly to pass the Petroleum industry Bill for the benefit of Nigerians.
And Diezani lifted up her eyes in thine Falcon jet and behold she saweth a vision. In the vision a man clothed in gold Versace Versace Versace said unto her, ‘O Diezani, a damsel so greatly loved understand the codes of the cabal I speak unto you that thou may rid thyselve of this corruption.
I, Diezani alone saw the vision because a great in-flight home video had been shown on the jets dynamic entertainment system and coupled with the hot starch and banga coup served on board, all the men heavy with Moet Chandon had drifted into deep sleep above the clouds.
Then the angel decked in gold said unto me Fear not, Diezani: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to pass the petroleum bill, and to chasten thyself before thy god, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
But the prince of the kingdom of Persia withstood me one and twenty days: and lo here you have arrived in your jet to continue discussions with the prince. But when the prince saw your jet approach from the horizon and noticed it was a later, more advanced model than his, he fled and all hopes of the bill being passed are quite much shot to oblivion now.
But do not be afraid, take heed and take solace in Vienna from whence you must charter a flight to Monaco when thou hast tired of Vienna, if only to indulge in retail therapy. For surely a time will come when thou will pleasureth not in $13,000 handbags any longer. Live it up now, forget the bill and the prince. Thine time hast surely come.
Written by Dolapo Freeman
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